Mishaps with a mannequin

Today I decided…there is really no other country I could reasonably state I am from and have it be believable. Maybe Canada…but the longer I live outside the US..I see that I don’t think I can pass as anything other than american. Every first day of a new Deutcsh Kurs, I dread telling people I am from America- this is bad enough…but if questioned further and I say California then it gets worse. The immediate response is…WARUM bist du hier?!. I usually say ich weiss nicht:) Which is a pretty california answer….and follow up it up with SF speak – this is the way the current guided mir. I am always the only american. Most people can agree we are a bit polarized at the moment in the USA…but I think we are more….on the same page than it may feel. We are all american and there is a certain something our country has achieved. …much…but let’s just say HOLLYWOOD. Movies,TV…film…it unites us. Everyone knows Simba. I am passionate about reading and insatiably curious about people and I can say with certainty( when someone speaks with certainty laugh at them and run) – stories unite us. Stories evoke emotions and when our emotions are stoked life becomes alive. Sadly, we also LOVE to stare a screens. Reels. And before reels, after dinosaurs were movies. So…america is sort of a big deal for that, but thats a reductive statement but that simply captures why I know america is a king. I have tremendous respect for my country. Even now, because electing the guy living in the white house- even that- oh america you are so BIG. And we invented the Kardashians by watching that shit. And now we wonder why….and also- go big or home home…so either colossal fuck up or the next frontier, politics happen.

Anyhow- I get it when people say why are you here, but I never know why I am anywhere. I met my soul mate today. She kommt aus Pakistan. We both have our entire week geplannt. Down to the meal, the minute….but like life- no plan what- so- ever. SO I am here because of…love, my life blowing up, having no plan, a vague plan of running for emperor of maybe like half the countries we have on the planet so I should explore, i have family here….mostly I just say because i got on a plane. 

I’m extremely concerned about the overcrowding of shelters in the USA now that all the pets are no longer being eaten…. the factory farming…RFK- but FUCK YEAH to everything he says about food. Maybe if the food werent poison we would get sick less and could stop testing on animals for drugs to fix putting flaming hot cheetos ( sorry my BELOVED T.R)in our piehole. But I don’t ever plan on having measles or polio- and I am so lucky for that so like gray area can be good. Sunkist (which has no place in RFK’s america…to…processed) once said he had a large brain….it may be. Its so huge it seems to have pushed itself out of the head completely. So there is a lot going on there. Now.

Basically- I dread the moment someone from Palistina, Ukraine, Syria ask why I would leave america. It sort of breaks my heart actually – everywhere is fucked up, we are all idiots, there are many waste of space air-pirates in many countries, but america is pretty great. Healthcare is in fact not free here…..the treatment you can get for cancer is a better price, but the wait time can make it so you may need serious treatment or a casket…in america you can just file for bankruptcy or do a go fund me. I think of all the complaining we do about how messed up our country is…but most of the people complaining about it live on the continent. Except me..but I cant think of any complaints now that Prince George County LIFTED THE BAN ON PITBULLS! FUck yeah! But in EU…they restrict pit bulls …because they think they are deadly- which is ignorant. Its the people owning them….but they know they will be problems. And it’s hard for them to (legally) put animals with spines down and my beloved country with the go-go-go mentality can easily put down the 480,000 we do. We are so spoiled in America….we just have no idea…but i think its because of the movies- our ability to make stories come to life. Of course I am not actually from America – I’m from San Francisco.

Once we get that question out of the way I love being back in class. I think differently about where I come from now…because we all come from somewhere…as different as the places are its all the same. Because really- what is breaking us while weaving us together…as the pull the internet has, the ability for reels to pull us in. And america is no longer king of stories. Stories are changing and evolving and we are all just scared because its easy…..Though, hen i watch reels I feel a little afraid, because…I do actully LOVE dog reels…andKnight and Aston aren’t reels to me but Jesus Christ in suede suits. But i dont’ actually want to consume content anymore…but I …do. I carry my kindle everywhere which helps but I watch dog reels a lot…too much. Oh yeah…and like…vegan reels. NOT that anyone who knows me would guess that. As far as AI…I wonder if I am a narcissist because I think CHAT gpt RUINS my writing…completely. And isnt AI telling us to fear AI? Then I think about an old co-worker who told me I wasn’t good at spelling and grammar…which to be honest sounded funny because…shouldn’t it have been Good at spelling and don’t Know grammar too well. 

The last thing about these German classes is I realize I have more life behind me than ahead. Europeans are more matter of fact about these matters. But when I share my age, people say wow you seem MUCH younger. I think yeah, I am from SF…I fear seed oils, less than 8 hours of sleep, GMOS( which I must confess I dont have a firm handle on what this IS..are?), food additives, not taking 10k steps a day and like we don’t smoke. Then i realized this could be taken as a compliment…but NOW I realize…they are looking at me realizing….I was with the dinosaurs when movies came.

And I am an asshole because I said to myself…shes pretty americanized…about someone I LOVE here and I thought what the fuck does that even mean. ….laurel….is that supposed to be a compliment? Like I am some king handing out compliments. ….I was in teh center of Hautbanhof and I stopped walking to say WTF to myself  and laugh. In germany. Yeah I don’t belong here but I love my little world here.